Stupid mind and crazy thoughts. Haha. I wont go into too many details because it would be better for me to get straight to the point. Basically, stuff has happened. Then other stuff happened that made me think, ‘why should I do this? All that stuff happened, why should I do any service for them?! I suffered and now they try to charm me with nice words so that I can be used again? Hell no, Im not doing anything for anyone anymore!’ But then I let my intelligence take over and I thought more deeply. Here are my thoughts:

  1. I decided that, so what if they use me? Its not like Im an important person that cant be ignored. A servant is used and when there is no need for the servant they are tossed. Thats it. 
  2. Now that I have some understanding, I will try to not have expectations of what should happen. Even though people claim to be devotees that doesnt mean that they act like human beings.
  3. I do enjoy serving Krishna, so whenever I have an opportunity, I gotta take it.
  4. Um…yay devotional service.

So I convinced myself to let go of my false ego, and no matter what, serve Krishna, serve devotees, get purified. This is the thing, to become a good devotee we have to let go of our hurt, of our offenses, and just serve Krishna, otherwise how will we become purified? How will we be able to let go of our anarthas? How will we be able to see everyone with equal vision? So, small realization. Whatever happens to you, just let it go, serve Krishna, and have no expectation for a certain result.Having this realization is quite a relief really, which is surprising because I’ve set myself up for a lot of pain, but a thousand times pain is nothing compared to the satisfaction of serving Krishna at least once.