February 2008


I dont post much. In fact I have a whole bunch of stuff in my mind that I do want to talk about. But this has always been on my mind.

Someone should make a movie about Lord Caitanya. I know there is that really old one from 1957 or something- but thats what inspired me. And then seeing the end of Abhay Charan that my Guru Maharaj did. It was so beautiful! So why dont we make a movie about Lord Caitanya? I asked my Guru Maharaj once and he said that he’s not ready to make a movie like that. I think he said that he’s been thinking about making a movie about Sankaracarya. Which is a good idea. It will clear up a lot of misconceptions about him and I can see it becoming a very popular movie since most people follow the Sankara philosophy.

But I would really love to see a movie about Lord Caitanya. I can really see it in my mind. But how? Im just a simple lady. Working two jobs to make ends meet. I dont have the finances. What I do have is a a decent grasp of scrip writing and a pile of creativity and imagination. Oh, and my Dad has always wanted to make a movie so maybe its something I can talk to him about? I dunno. But I think it would be so beautiful to make a whole series about Lord Caitanya.

I think the reason why Im talking about it now is because not too long ago I finished watching the serial about Srila Prabhupada and now Im watching the serial about Krishna- and I just feel like Im missing something in the middle.

Can you imagine it? Opening the first scene with Krsnadas Kaviraj finishing one of his greatest works- Caitanya Caritamrta and narrating it to… someone? A disciple? the Six Goswami’s? And he eloquently offers his obeisances to the disciplic succession. And as he describes the scene in which Nimai was born, its like he’s tasting it as the scene fades out and then we fade in first with hearing Jagannath Misra singing the glories of Lord Hari. And the first shot we see is of the lunar eclipse. We see the men engaged with Jagannath Misra in bhajan. Mother Saci is resting with her newborn baby and the village ladies surround her, chattering and giggling excitedly about the baby. Saci Mata looks at her newborn with love and says, “Nimai…My Nimai…” and kisses his forehead. Fade out.

How does that sound? Good? Weird? Cheezy? I dunno. It was just an idea.

Gaura Haribol!

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Stupid mind and crazy thoughts. Haha. I wont go into too many details because it would be better for me to get straight to the point. Basically, stuff has happened. Then other stuff happened that made me think, ‘why should I do this? All that stuff happened, why should I do any service for them?! I suffered and now they try to charm me with nice words so that I can be used again? Hell no, Im not doing anything for anyone anymore!’ But then I let my intelligence take over and I thought more deeply. Here are my thoughts:

  1. I decided that, so what if they use me? Its not like Im an important person that cant be ignored. A servant is used and when there is no need for the servant they are tossed. Thats it. 
  2. Now that I have some understanding, I will try to not have expectations of what should happen. Even though people claim to be devotees that doesnt mean that they act like human beings.
  3. I do enjoy serving Krishna, so whenever I have an opportunity, I gotta take it.
  4. Um…yay devotional service.

So I convinced myself to let go of my false ego, and no matter what, serve Krishna, serve devotees, get purified. This is the thing, to become a good devotee we have to let go of our hurt, of our offenses, and just serve Krishna, otherwise how will we become purified? How will we be able to let go of our anarthas? How will we be able to see everyone with equal vision? So, small realization. Whatever happens to you, just let it go, serve Krishna, and have no expectation for a certain result.Having this realization is quite a relief really, which is surprising because I’ve set myself up for a lot of pain, but a thousand times pain is nothing compared to the satisfaction of serving Krishna at least once.