But we can use our imaginations. All the lights are off in the temple, and the altar is dimly lit by candles.

Ooohhh! I found a video from last year!
God, I miss those days. It was nice going to the temple in the evenings, getting my little ghee lamp and making my rounds to offer my little lamp to all the Deities amongst the hundreds of other devotees. And every night there is an amazing singer leading Damodarastakam and everyone dances and dances when he sings the mahamantra. Its like this for about a month and when its over, you feel like something is missing in the evenings. Dressing up and seeing all your friends. I used to sit near the stairs in Panchatattva’s hall, the stairs that lead up the extension hall, this is before they made that wooden cover thingy so that they have a place to put stuff for class, and then people started using it to keep their purses or backpacks.

Anyway, I used to sit there, and just people watch. I like doing that sometimes. Actually, I did that every night. I really liked that area in Panchatattva’s temple room. Probably because its the least crowded and I could meditate on Panchatattva while I chant and watch people come in and out. Lots of different kinds of people, from every part of India and many parts of the world. New devotees, old devotees, walk through those doors in Panchatattva’s temple room. Fabulous devotees, simple devotees, everyone comes to offer their little ghee lamp hearts to Damodara.

I dont know how I’ll adapt to Damodara Masa here in the states. Regardless, this is one of my favorite times of the year. Maybe I should observe some kind of vrata.

I should give up sweets. Or maybe not.

I want to take this opportunity to glorify my Guru Maharaj, who is an ocean of mercy. I know this because he took mercy on me. I saw so many times, when I had been shut out by so many devotees, he still saw some good in me and took a chance on me. He still had confidence in me in times when I lost all confidence in myself. He was the only person willing to pick me up when my whole life came crashing down. How do I repay someone as kind as him? He is the perfect example of Vaisnava etiquette. He is so intelligent. So caring and loving. I thank Krishna for bringing him to me. I thank Guru Maharaj for looking past all the dust and dirt and grime and seeing me for what I am. For seeing my potential. For giving me the bravery to be more me than I’ve ever been. How do I thank someone like that?

Except with my life.

Once, when I was sitting in class, Guru Maharaj was speaking and suddenly someone came in. I saw Guru Maharaj’s reaction, he looked up, and seeing who it was, he beamed a bright smile, welcomed the devotee and then continued with giving class. But in that moment, I thought, if Guru Maharaj could beam like that when I walked into a room, just once, and think to himself “there is Prema-Rupa, she is a good girl.” my life would be complete. I have literally sacrificed my entire life, my entire future, just to gain even a moments favor from Guru Maharaj. Because he took a chance on me. He believed in me. And I dont want to disappoint him. Once in class he said, “if anything needs to be done then you should be the one to do it yourself.” I have taken that instruction to heart and that is why I am here, in service to my Guru Maharaj. And hoping just one time he will smile at me, remember my name, and say that I am a good girl.

In this year I would say that I’ve been pretty busy. I spent five months in Sri Mayapur Dham studying in their Pujari Training Course at Mayapur Academy. And since coming back at the end of March I moved to Miami, Florida and jumped right into being a full-time pujari taking care of the large-and-in-charge Lord Jagannath, Baladev and Lady Subhadra.

So I have a whole bunch of pics from Mayapur. I cant stop thinking about Mayapur. Its all I ever talk about and think about. You know what’s horrible? When I was in Mayapur, I couldn’t wait to come back to the US. Now Im here and I remember all the wonderful memories I had there and I’m dying to go back. The things that used to annoy me so much makes me laugh now. Darshans I used to shrug my shoulders at I now reverently observe though my computer screen. The peace and quite I begged for in the crowds of people, now replaced by an empty loneliness. I remember walking around and laughing with my friends. I miss being able to eat anything anywhere and never wonder about meat, eggs, fish, onion, garlic. I would chant in Panchatattva’s temple room in the evenings- pacing back and forth, begging to be Their instrument. I used to get knocked over by egar Bengali women trying to take Darshan of Radha-Madhava. I seriously miss mahaprasadam french fries. Something that good should be illegal. I used to ride my bicycle on the Main Road and nearly kill myself, but I would just jump back on again and speed toward Deity greeting. I miss rikshaw rides. I miss the boat between Mayapur and Navadwip Ghat. I miss Navawip, even though its a little ghetto and scary. I miss the house my husband and I are building together. I miss the headache. The heartache. And, yes, even the occasional stomach-ache. I miss sleeping in through mangal-arati with my husband and we both wake up in time to listen to the morning announcements on the radio. I miss the familiar faces. I miss that Krishna is part of a regular routine.

I left since the end of March. But I still, really really miss Mayapur.

Sri-Sri Radha-Madhava on Radhastami 8/27/09- photo courtesy of mayapur.com

By the end of the trip, I was tired of all the traveling we had done. I was hopeful that Mayapur would be a sweet relief, everything that it has been hyped up to be. From the first day I was pessimistic. Probably because the trip to Mayapur had gotten off to a bad start. Our train in Varanasi was seven hours late due to a terrorist attack or something. The train station in Varanasi was absolutely filthy- filled with giant rats the size of cats- I wish I were exaggerating. I had a fever of 104 degrees at the time and I was so sick and tired that I just lay a gamcha on the floor and tried to sleep. By the time our train arrived we were cutting it close to being able to celebrate Radhastami in Mayapur. When we boarded the train it had German roaches- what German roaches are doing in India Im not sure but by then I was so tired and irritated all I could think of was reaching the magical paradise that was Sri Mayapur Dham and hopefully in time for Radhastami.

We made it just in time for the last five minutes of mangal-arati. It was completely packed with people and I felt overwhelmed with all of them pushing and shoving- I felt invisible. I had been separated from my husband during the program to our respective sides and I hadn’t seen him since- there were so many people.

After mangal-arati I left the temple and sat on a bench, waiting to hopefully see my husband leave the temple. I chanted quietly and looked around. Through association with my husband I had learned a lot about Mayapur. I prayed and dreamt about being here, and now my dream had been fulfilled. Behind me was the beautiful lotus fountain and in front of me was the infamous Long Building. Everything was so big. I didn’t know anyone here. Suddenly, I felt like the smallest person in the world. My husband has daydreamt about living here but I wasn’t sure that I could. Its just too big. There are too many people here, there’s probably no service for me to do. I remembered all the villagers, pushing and shoving for the last bit of mangal-arati darshan of Radha-Madhava. Its too much.

“Prema-Rupa! Why are you just sitting there?”
“Oh!…I couldn’t remember how to get back to our room. This place is so…big…” I said sheepishly.
“You are so so silly. How long have you been sitting there?”
“Oh, umm, since after mangal-arati.”
“Dear! That was almost an hour ago!”
“I couldn’t find you.” I muttered, sad and embarrassed. Somehow Mayapur wasn’t what I expected.

The Deity Darshan in the morning was nice, but again it was packed and people were still coming in. I tried to take Darshan, tried to absorb the mood of devotion and ignore the pushing and chattering of the visitors around me but its practically impossible. I had never experienced such a packed room in my life, and everyone was just pushing and shoving, one lady hit me in the back of the head and I was so crabby I probably could have knocked her out.

When I was able to attain some peace at one side of the room, a female security guard approached me, “go there!” she instructed. I shrugged and complied, figuring that I was somehow in the way of the festivities and made my way a few feet ahead and to the left. After a few minutes I was approached by a male security guard, “move there!” he said, pointing to the spot I was originally standing in. Why can’t I just stand somewhere and take darshan on Radhastami in peace? I moved back to my original spot. This was not going well for me. I thought I would fall in love with Mayapur but so far all I’ve seen is a big place, with big buildings, and big Deities, and big noisy crowds.

“I told you to stand there!” I turned and saw the female security guard, angry that I had returned to my original spot. Unable to catch a break, I squished myself through the crowd and I left the temple room frustrated.

The security guards were driving me crazy. No cell-phones, no cameras, they kept giving my father a hard time for wearing short pants in the temple. I know they’re just doing their job, I saw the lack of temple etiquette guests have, but cant they tell the difference between a regular polite person and a person who is unaware of temple behavior? It was miserable.

While I was being miserable, my husband was having a blast. He was visiting with old friends and family, chit-chatting with bramhachari’s, and working on securing our property in Gaur-Nagar. He would often promise to be back in a moment but wouldn’t return for hours and I would be left alone in our room. It bothered me at first but its not like I wanted to go anywhere so why should I stop him from his good time? I was so startled by the amount and behavior of the visitors here that I wouldn’t go anywhere, no matter how much my husband tried to encourage me, I wouldn’t even attend any of the daily temple programs. I was perfectly content hanging around our room in the Gada Building all day being discontented and miserable.

I did try a couple times to leave my room and go for a walk, hopefully get caught up in some kind of adventure or rekindle my love for the Dham. But I would just walk around the campus and come back to my room after about 20 minutes. One day I decided to chant my rounds in the temple room. I sat in Sri Panca-tattva’s side of the temple room, in the back, near a pillar. I crossed my legs, closed my eyes and tried to focus on the Holy Name. After a few moments, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see a female security guard,

“No ghum!”
“Ghum? Sleep? No ghum. Japa.” I replied, pointing to my beadbag. She walked away and I resumed my japa. After a few minutes I got a tap on my shoulder again, I once again opened my eyes to see the same security guard, “No ghum!” she instructed sternly. I pulled together the best Bengali that I could, “Amar ghum na! Ami jap korchi!” Do I have to be one of those newbie devotees having a japa seizure for people to think Im having a focused, meditative japa? Frustrated again, I left the temple.

As I walked back to my room I could hear the Nagar Sankirtan team in the distance. It was made-up of mostly international devotees and when I heard them singing, the tunes and styles, hearing the accordion and watching devotees of all colors and backgrounds dance and glorify Krishna together, it reminded me of America. It made me homesick. I had been in India almost two months, and this was the first time I wanted to go back.

Hare Krishna Dear Devotees,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

I made my first visit to Sri Mayapur Dham in 2009 during Radhastami. Mayapur is the headquarters for our ISKCON Society and is home to the most beautiful Deities in the world- Sri-Sri Radha-Madhava and the Astasakhi’s, Sri Panchatattva, and Sri Narasimhadeva. Among my many adventures and life changing experiences in the Dham, a resident devotee gave me the wonderful opportunity of giving me a tour of the pujari rooms before I left Mayapur to continue my pilgrimage in India. While I ooh’ed and ahh’ed over the up close and personal view of the Deities outfits and the Deity jewelry- totally amazed by the love and patience it takes to make and organize all of Krishna’s things, the devotee told me that its hard to find good beads for jewelry-making in India and because beads are so heavy, many people wont bring much from their country. I asked her what happens with the old jewelry and she replied that its either sold as mahaprasad or just broken down and reused in another set of jewelry. Over the years, the Deities in Mayapur has become very close to me, I felt sad that they struggled to have nice beads for making jewelry.

Feeling a little bold, I asked if there was any service I could do from abroad. She immediately replied, “please, bring back some beads, anything that you can bring would be so helpful. Whenever devotees bring jewelry to Jananivas Prabhu, our head pujari, he is so appreciative and moved when devotees offer this personal service.” I agreed that I would do my best and with that I left the Dham to catch my train to the next holy place in India.

Since then, I have been meditating on how to best execute that service. Here is where your assistance is needed. I want to bring lots of beads to Mayapur Dham, my dream is to bring several luggage’s packed full of beads- I’ll take care of the extra baggage costs. I need devotees to make donations so that we can achieve this goal. I know many of you have Mayapur Dham and Sri-Sri Radha-Madhava close to your hearts. For example, if you donate just $30 you can buy about 1,000 beads- which brings us closer to the thousands of beads needed for Their Lordships- but any amount, no matter how much or how little will be accepted. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to present Jananivas Prabhu with so much jewelry-making beads and then show him the long list of donors that made it all possible?!

The deadline for this rare service opportunity ends October 1st so please take advantage of this opportunity. I am ONLY bringing beads and items for the Deities in Mayapur, meaning that I will not carry items for godsiblings, family, BFF’s etc.

One way you can donate is by going to this site and type in my email address pjamunar@hotmail.com :
http://www.firemountaingems.com/listlookup.asp

all the beads they need are listed there, you can pick out what you want to donate to and it gets sent to me to take to Mayapur.

If you are interested or have any questions please email me and I will do my best to serve you.

I look forward to hearing from you and thank you very much for your time.
Always your servant,
*prema-rupa devi dasi
pjamunar@hotmail.com

I remember the first time I heard his kirtans. I only listened to the first minute, decided it was too slow, and didnt bother to listen to the rest.

The second time I heard his kirtan I was on a road trip with my husband, at first I thought he was messing up my favorite tune and I was annoyed. But since in those days we only had CD’s we listened to it over and over and the more I listened to it, well, the more it stuck to me and I decided that I liked him.

My husband likes slow, bhajan type kirtan while I pretend that Im a kirtan rock-star. I knew he liked Aindra because of his slow moving kirtan so I found a recording on the net and we listened to it when my husband got home from work. He started to cry, saying that the kirtan reminded him of Mayapur and he felt so much separation at that time. It didnt affect me as much. Until the kirtan started to pick up, mridangas and kartals playing faster, his voice crying our for Krishna- hey! He’s a kirtan rock-star too! And then I got the taste for his music.

I downloaded more, a friend of mine gave me Vraja-Vilas and I was hooked. I relished the slowness. His voice was crying for Krishna, yearning from the soul, it awakens these wild feelings in your heart for something deep and meaningful in your life. To abandon everything and just do kirtan. Who could do this to me except Aindra? His kirtan tunes made me cry, they made me laugh, they made me dance.

A devotee that used to travel with Aindra Prabhu back in the day told me that when he was in the US- his kirtans were ok. Nothing special. But something changed in him when he went to Vrindavan. Suddenly, like day and night, they became so beautiful and melodious.

His Grace Aindra Prabhu passed away on Friday night but it has taken me until Monday morning to write about him without crying. His kirtans changed my life forever. It changed my kirtan style, it changed my heart! I couldnt understand why Krishna took him away in such a violent manner. He wasnt sick. He deserved to pass away peacefully in the company of devotees when he became super old. Not alone in his flat. I didnt want to accept it.

A few people have died in my life, some of them close to me, some not so close. But it didnt affect me like his passing did. My friend, Vani-Seva talked with me about his passing and it was so helpful and it made me realize so many things.

I wondered, why did so many of our devotees pass away so suddenly? We went down the list- Tamal Krishna Maharaj- car accident, Svarup Damodar Maharaj- heart attack, Gour Govinda Swami- heart attack, Suhotra Swami- heart attack, even Bhakti Tirtha Swami and Sridhar Swami- even though they were sick, it was very unexpected and they passed away shortly, the list went on and on. I realized it is because death can come at any moment- and us devotees need to realize how precious our time is and we should take up Krishna Consciousness so seriously. Dont you see? We say, “yeah yeah Krishna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, I got it.” But do you really get it?! We only have so much time, we have to dedicate ourselves 100%, dont waste time!

I was sad, I know he is with Krishna- I would never even doubt it. But we’ll never get his association again. I wanted to see him for Gaura Purnima during the festival in 2011. I wanted to fulfill my dream of dancing like a psycho during his kirtan. What will happen now? Where do those dreams go? But I know wanting to keep him here is an expansion of my own selfishness. How can I ask him to stay in this miserable material existence when he could be having mad crazy kirtan in Goloka Navadwip or running and playing with Krishna in Goloka Vrindavan? I was being selfish, he did his service, did the time, and now he had to go.

My friend also helped me realize that when Krishna feels like you cannot progress any further in your spiritual life, he just takes you away so that you dont have to deal with pointless accumulation of karma. Aindra Prabhu was already there. He was already 100%. So Krishna just took him, he didnt need to go further because he was already there so what is the use of remaining in the material world if you are already 100%?

I realized there are no small services, only small devotees. His service was simple. Kirtan before Gaura-arati and Deity dressing. He wasnt a great cook or a pakka pujari, he never became temple president and never served on the GBC. When I read about people who encounter him, they always say, “he and I were standing in the back when…” it amazes me how someone so simple can have such a profound effect on the whole world! It just proved that if we have firm conviction in Srila Prabhupada’s movement and dedication to our service, we can go so far and inspire so many people.

There is a tune that I try to sing sometimes. It sounds like crying. Somehow it doesnt sound the same like when Aindra Prabhu sings it.

You have taught me Aindra Prabhu. To dedicate my heart in kirtan. And to dedicate my life to Krishna. I want to give my everything. I want to be 100% too. Please pray for me Prabhu. I am fallen and foolish with no good qualities but by your mercy I can do something for the pleasure of Krishna and devotees. Thank you Aindra Prabhu. Thank you.

All glories to the life and passing of His Grace Sriman Namacharya Aindra Das Prabhu!

Janamastmi in Vrindavan 2009

I think turban bases are important because it not only provides structure and stability to your turban but you have a lesser chance of pricking the Lord’s head with your pins and mukuts. Also, it gives you the ability to make your turban away from the altar, you can make the turban ahead of time or even entrust the responsibility with someone else while you do the Deity dressing. I definitely recommend making a turban base.

The fabric I like to use for the base is the home décor type because its thicker and stronger than other types of fabric. Just fold the fabric a few times and sew it horizontally to hold the fabric in place.

Before you go ripping up your couches or tearing your curtains, you can also use cotton fabric and line it with unrolled cotton balls.

After lining it, fold the fabric over and sew horizontal lines to hold the cotton and fabric in place. Feel free to make more layers until your desired thickness.

Oh, and don’t forget to measure your Deity’s head. We’re going to pretend this kalash is the size of your Deity’s head. Actually, when I used to make turbans for the Deities at our ISKCON center in Orlando, Their heads were the exact same size as a kalash, so while one pujari was dressing the Deities, I would be in the pujari room, each base on a kalash, wrapping turbans.

So just fold one side over the other side

And make sure the front makes an upside-down V shape, like this ^

You’ll probably have to start sewing by hand at this point. Sew the front of the base.

Now you fold the top like you wrap a gift. First stitch from the front of the turban to the back.

Fold the front and the back pieces of fabric, the front over the back. And stitch along the edges. Feel free to go over your stitches or stitch all over the place as many times as you want, you want it to stay strong!

Don’t feel bad if your base is kinda ugly, its just a base and it gets covered over anyway. Making a cloth base is great for big Deities and Jagannath, Baladev, Subhadra Deities (you wouldn’t make it for Subhadra of course).

If you have smaller Deities like I do, another base you can try is with a Styrofoam ball. I like to use Styrofoam because it hold the pins really well. The only downside is that you have to replace it every so often as it tends to get broken-up with use.

Just cut off the bottom, scrape out the insides to fit the head, and the outsides into the shape of a base.

I hope this tutorial was helpful! If you have any questions, leave me a comment, find me on facebook, email me, etc. In my next tutorial, I’ll show you how to wrap a basic turban.

The End.

Ok ok, I suppose I should write something but Im not posting any pics because we all know what the Taj looks like. While we were in Vrindavan my family was all into going to the Taj Mahal, which isn’t that far away. I find the Taj to be so super lame and cliché. Ok, seriously, ticket prices are ridiculous, for Indians its super cheap, like 7 Rs. but for non-Indians its 700 Rs. So my husband thought that as long as my family and I don’t say anything they wont realize that we aren’t native Indians. I can pass for native Indian, my sister and Dad can pass for Indian. My Mom on the other hand, with her light complexion and freckled face coupled with her short brown hair, didn’t fool the guards. My husband instructed us that if anyone asks, tell them we’re from Bangalore. We stood in line and the guard checked our tickets, he took one good look at my Mom and told my husband that there was no way she was Indian. My husband quickly changed the story, saying that we were all from Bengal and my mother had no clue, so when the guard turned to her and asked “where are you from?” She grinned and said “Bangalore”. Yep, my husband had to go back and buy the expensive tickets before we were let through. During the ordeal my sister had managed to go through, and while she waited for us a female guard asked her a question, she couldn’t respond and she rejoined us.

So the Taj was built by some king with three wives and he liked the third one best (they always do, sheesh) and built this thing for her when she died. I guess some people find it romantic and a wonderful expression of your love for someone. Its lame. You stand in a ridiculously long line that goes around the building a couple times and when you go inside it’s a dark room with two tombs, one of Shah Jahan and the other of Mumtaz Mahal and then you leave. Exciting, I know. I think if I were into historical architecture this would have interested me more because Wikipedia talks about a bunch of stuff that I didn’t really take notice of. Or I just looked at it and thought, “well that’s Muslim-y” and that was it. The thought of people getting their hands cut-off after it being built wasn’t so appealing to me either. Meh.

The Yamuna has been getting smaller and smaller due to her separation from Krishna. The Yamuna runs right behind the Taj Mahal. My husband told a story that there is a balcony that Mumtaz used to look out of from her palace and the Yamuna was so close she would look at her reflection. Its kinda romantic I guess.

So while we were outside the building I could faintly hear Srila Prabhupada singing the Hare Krishna Mahamantra. I pretty much thought I was going crazy. That maybe the line was so long I started hearing things. But even after I had gone through the Taj and we were just hanging out outside the building, I could hear it. I mean, I didn’t want to be at the Taj but would I literally become schizophrenic from not being in Vrindavan? As we were leaving I could still hear this music faintly, it was driving me crazy, did no one else hear it? Why is no one saying anything?! Finally I turned to my Dad, “Do you hear that? Its way off in the distance?! That music?!” My Dad shrugged, “Yeah, its Prabhupada chanting Hare Krishna.” And that was it.

At that point I realized something. Love was not found in that man who made a marble house dedicated to a decayed corpse. It was that personality who gave us a house the whole world could live in. Love is not seen in monuments and buildings, but is depicted through our hearts. Srila Prabhupada loves Krishna so so much that he cant contain himself, he has to share it with everyone. That is love. We look for love in all the wrong places and for all the wrong reasons, but Srila Prabhupada is so kind, an embodiment of true love, that he distributes love of Krishna freely, he is so eager for us to taste what he tastes, to give us a glimpse of his love for Krishna so that we too can rekindle our lost love. Srila Prabhupada loves us so much that even here, even in the most odd and random place you can hear Srila Prabhupada:

“Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare….”

My Deities, Sri-Sri Radha Madanmohan

I remember when I asked my boyfriend if he would buy Radha-Krishna Deities for me while he was in Mayapur for the installation of Sri Pancha-tattva. I made it clear that I didn’t want anything more than four inches because I was concerned that I wont be able to care for Them very well and I thought having some small Deities would be easier to take care of and seem less formal. At the time I was studying at North Dakota State University and one night he called me, “Did you buy my Deities?” I asked excitedly.
“Well I had to choose between these beautiful ten inch ones and some okay looking four inch ones. So I picked the ten inch ones.”
“You did WHAT?! How will I take care of ten inch Deities?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll love Them, I know you will take good care of Them.”

When he returned to the US he encouraged me to name Them even though I hadn’t seen Them. I wrote down a list of names and tried them out singing for example “Jaya Radha-Govinda, Radha-Govinda, Raaaaadhe!” Eventually I picked the name Radha-Madanmohan, it had the best ring to it and if They truly are as beautiful as my boyfriend said Then “He who attracts even Cupid” will suit Them. My boyfriend thought it was a great name since anyone who had ever seen Them thought They were so beautiful. He sent me an outline of Their bodies so that I could make a new outfit for Them that somehow miraculously fit perfectly. He was right, They were so beautiful, that when he gave Them to me that summer of 2004, I never let Them go.

Once a good friend and godsister of mine and I had a chance to spend some time together. She told me about Guru Maharaj’s project in Ujjain. He was building a big beautiful temple there and she was missing his association. She gave me a picture of the Deities there and when I asked the name of the Deities she replied “Sri-Sri Radha Madanmohan”. She felt very happy staying with me since my Deities were also Radha Madanmohan. It was quite a wonderful coincidence, at the time I wasn’t aspiring for HH BhaktiCharu Swami but I could see that Madanmohan certainly had a plan.

Eventually my boyfriend and I got married and I moved to Orlando, Florida. We began to worship Sri-Sri Radha Madanmohan regularly. I noticed in his bookcase was the only volume he owned of Sri Caitanya Cariamrta. It was about the pastime of Srila Sanatana Goswami. What is wonderful about being married to my husband is that through him I began to have a deeper appreciation for Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu and an understanding of the acaryas in our parampara. I read that volume with great interest.

The pastime of Srila Sanatana Goswami is pretty amazing. He was put in jail because he no longer wanted to serve the government. He got a letter from his brother Rupa saying “Hey! Lord Caitanya is coming to Benares! Anupama and I are going! Wish you were here!” Sanatan Goswami bribed the guard to let him out. He fled to see Lord Caitanya in Benares and despite his wealthy background, he gave it all up and wore a simple torn quilt and a woolen blanket- he eventually gave up the blanket. So he’s sitting outside the home of where Lord Caitanya was staying and Lord Caitanya was like “Candrasekhara, there’s a devotee at your door, bring him in.” And Candrasekhara  looks outside and says, “Theres no one there except a poor Muslim guy.” And Lord Caitanya was like “Yep, let him in.” And then they were so happy to see each other they hugged super tight but Sanatan Goswami felt super embarrassed but Lord Caitanya didn’t mind. So then Sanatan Goswami got all shaved up and accepted some torn clothes from Tapan Misra which made Lord Caitanya happy, and he gave up the fancy blanket that I mentioned earlier which made Lord Caitanya even more happy. And then he decided to become a beggar and that made Lord Caitanya super happy. So then Lord Caitanya revealed a lot of very deep philosophy to Sanatan Goswami and Sanatan Goswami tried to get Lord Caitanya to admit that He is Krishna but Lord Caitanya didn’t fall for it. Lord Caitanya instructed Sanatan Goswami to find all the places in Vrindavan that Krishna performed His pastimes, because when Krishna left, they all became hidden. And he was also instructed to write books about bhakti yoga, establish temples of Krishna in Vrindavan and to write a book about proper Vaisnava behavior. More devotees need to read that book. Seriously.

So the Sri-Sri Radha-Madanmohan Mandir is actually the first temple erected in Vrindavan, which was erected by Sanatana Goswami. And it is said that for anyone who is sincere in devotional service, they must first approach Krishna in His Madanmohan form, who is very merciful. Im a knucklehead, so this is good news for me. Its wonderful when Krishna creates coincidences in life, isn’t it? Its His sense of humor, I think that’s how I know when He’s got His hand in it.

Imagine how wonderful it was to see this beautiful temple twice during my weeklong stay in Vrindavan! The first time I went was with my husband and his father and brother while we went on Vrindavan Parikrama (advice: wear comfy shoes…seriously…don’t get humble about this) and the second time I went was with my family and husband and my father-in-law on Janamastmi. My Dad got yelled at by the pujari because he was holding a video camera and that is a no-no in all temples in India. But the way the temple is built, you don’t go inside the temple. You just climb a long set of stairs and the Deities are there in all Their shining mercy so he didn’t realize that we’d get to the Deities so soon and that They would be all out in the open like that. Not exactly out in the open, but you know, not inside the building.

I used to wonder why people aren’t allowed to take pictures or videotape inside the temples. I thought that maybe it was superstition. But standing in front of Sri-Sri Radha-Madanmohan in Vrindavan. I realized that this is an experience that shouldn’t be captured in a picture but in your heart. Visiting these temples are supposed to give you a deep spiritual experience, if you’re so focused on taking pictures you miss the whole thing. Or maybe cameras steal your soul, I dunno.

To learn more about Sanatan Goswami click here

Sri-Sri Radha Shyamasundar on Janamastmi Day

“O Queen of Vrndavana, O Radharani, Your complexion is like molten gold, Your doe-like eyes are captivatingly restless, a million full and brilliant moons wane before Your lustrous countenance, and a blue sari, having stolen the hue of a fresh rain-laden cloud, has enwrapped Your exquisite form. O Radha, You are the crest-jewel of all the dallying damsels of Vrndavana, fragrant and pristine like a budding jasmine flower. Your sublime form is adorned with priceless jewelry, and you are the best of all the charming and intelligent gopis. You are decorated with all wonderful excellences and surrounded by eight dedicated and beloved cowherd girls known as the asta-sakhis.

“The ambrosia of Your beautiful lips, red as the bimba fruit, is life-giving syrup to Krsna. O Radha, I am rolling on the banks of the Yamuna, my poor heart filled with anticipation, praying to You with all humility. I am guilty of being an offender, a rascal, a useless wretch–yet I beg You to kindly engage me in even the smallest service to Your lotus feet. O most merciful Lady, it will not become You to ignore this most distressed soul, for Your heart is always overflowing with compassion and love.”
-Srila Rupa Goswami Sri Prarthana-Paddhati

I don’t know what I was thinking. We went to Vrindavan during Janamastmi but didn’t book a hotel room. Its not that I didn’t try, I sent emails to book a room in the guesthouse or at least have someone suggest a hotel for us to try contacting but I never got a response. I thought that maybe I had lucked out like I did in Kolkata. I had emailed them, they didn’t email back but had a room booked for us anyway. No such luck. I remembered that a common belief among devotees is that if you get the mercy of Radharani, the Queen of Vrindavan, then you will have the privilege of staying in Vrindavan for more than three days. We weren’t even there one day, barely an hour and it seemed hopeless.

After some time my family, composed of my husband, father-in-law, Mom, Dad and my younger sister, lugged our bags to a hotel that said that they could only take us for one night as someone had the two rooms for the next day. Not even one day. Radharani wouldn’t let us stay for one day. My husband, sister an I walked around Vrindavan for an hour going from hotel to hotel asking if they could possibly give us two rooms for a week, or even one room for a couple days but we got turned down everywhere we went. People from all over India booked months in advance and it was painful seeing them just walk right past us, ask about their room and then disappear into the hotel. I felt bad for my sister. It was her third day in India and she was wandering around the dirty streets of Vrindavan in the heat and no sign of relief.

My younger sister is very pretty and what some might consider high maintenance, unlike me- a walking mess- she makes sure to be well-dressed and made-up before leaving the house. In our family she was always the one that stayed out of trouble, and I remember her always being very thoughtful of others. After all, she could have stayed with my parents instead of wander through the streets with us. Eventually she went back to the hotel and my husband and I search for an hour more. I considered taking my family to Agra and putting them up in a hotel there and I would stay in Vrindavan, even if I had to sleep in the streets. Even if I would have to sleep in the mucky gutters that line the roadside, I wouldn’t skip out on this adventure. We stopped at the Krishna-Balaram temple,
“Prema-Rupa, I need you to stay here while I continue looking.”
“No! I want to stay with you, why are you leaving me here?”
“Im going with my friend to keep looking and I need you to stay here and pray to Radharani.”
I sighed, “Are you sure?”
“Positive, I’ll be right back.”

I sat amongst a group of devotees in front of Sri-Sri Radha-Syamasundars altar, lively kirtan was being sung while we waited for the altar doors to open. I prayed to Radharani while chanting on my japa beads. Certainly She must know Im here, She wouldn’t neglet me, would She? Since my husband gave me Sri-Sri Radha Madanmohan in 2004, She has always been the one I turn to, the one I felt understood me best, the one I could depend on. I came all the way here just for Her. The altar doors open, the chanting exploded and people pushed their way to the front with their offerings of money, garlands and vegetables, eager to receive a little mercy. I slowly made my way to the front, my eyes focused on Her, oblivious to my surrounding. “Give me a sign,” I prayed, “a flower to fall, anything at all. I want to know you are listening.” I pleaded to Her my case. How I loved Her and wanted to serve Her. I told Her that having a hotel is not important to me, for Her, I could sleep in the streets but its my family’s first time here.

Nothing.

I told Her that I was willing to give up fancy saris for simple cotton ones if we could stay. That’s a big deal, I love sari’s. Im attached to every single one of them, even the rattiest dirtiest sari I hang on to until its completely shredded to pieces.

Nothing.

I begged and pleaded and bargained with no reply, “even if the pujari gave me a maha-flower, I’ll take that to mean something.” I held my hand out with the other devotees while the pujari handed out the flowers and tossed them into the crowd. My hand turned up empty. Slowly, people started to meander away. I pleaded with Visakha-Sakhi to convince Radharani to give me a little mercy, just a little. Radharani would listen to Visakha, right? They’re BFF’s She’s got to listen.

Nothing.

Then I got angry, “Okay Radharani, that’s how You want to be? Fine. I give you my attention, my love. I always make sure You get everything first. You get the fanciest dressing, my husband fusses at me about how long You take to get dressed and I always take up for You. I spent hundreds of dollars on You year after year, trying to give You the nicest, the best and I come to Your home and this is my treatment? Maybe I wont come back, is that what you want? Fine, be like that.”

Nothing.

Brokenhearted. I continued to silently pray, fingering my beads, still hoping for that sign. It had been four hours from when my husband left until he came back. He shook his head solemnly and we walked back to our hotel room without saying a word. We knew what this meant for us.

We got back to the hotel, my family was in their room, and my father-in-law was asleep on his bed. “This devotee is very well-known here in Vrindavan, he thought that if he came with me he could pull a few strings and get us a room, we walked by foot everywhere for four hours but everyone turned us down.” We lay in bed, my head on my husbands shoulder. I imagined my good-hearted husband walking around in the hot hot sun, “I know you prayed very hard for us, but maybe this is Krishna’s desire. My friend said that if he hears anything he will call me. But he doubts he’ll hear anything” We stared at the phone expectantly, the only sound was the whirring of the fan above us. We waited and waited but no one ever called. Maybe I didn’t pray hard enough, maybe I wasn’t sincere enough. Maybe God doesn’t care about what we want, about our desires, even if it is to serve Him. “Here is what I think we should do,” I whispered, “I think you should take our family to Agra and find a hotel for them there. They can stay there for the rest of the week….and I’ll stay here.”
“And what will you do here?”
“I just have to stay. Even if I have nowhere to stay, I just need to be here. I am determined to be here.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. The thought of my family and I not getting the mercy of Radharani was unbearable. I prayed one more time, I begged Her to not neglect me. I wanted the mercy so badly. Hot tears poured down my face as my husband tried to console me.

And then the phone rang.